Reclaiming her identity in the wake of breast cancer: Seana’s story

_“Three years ago, I was lying in bed with my partner Jeremy, watching Netflix, when I found the lump.

I broke down instantly. I went to my mom, and she tried to reassure me. She said we’d go to the walk-in clinic the next day. She reminded me cysts run in the family. It was probably nothing.

At the clinic, my mom was a hero, insisting I get an ultrasound the same day. She was my best advocate before I understood just how important advocacy is. The ultrasound led to a mammogram, which led to a biopsy. All along, everyone was assuring me it was nothing to be concerned about. Then I got the call from the hospital, the day before my 27^th birthday. It was something to be very concerned about.

Triple-negative breast cancer, aggressive. ‘You’ll need chemo,’ my doctor said. ‘You’ll lose your hair.’ Time stopped. I knew right then that my life had changed.

Everything had been going so well for me. I’d just started a new career. I’d started eating healthy. I’d lost some weight. I’d met the man I wanted to marry, and we were talking about moving in together.

Then, suddenly, my days were all chemo, MRIs, anxiety, immunotherapy, and a double mastectomy. When the surgeries were finally done and I was officially cancer-free, I was excited to start living my life again. To start looking forward to things again.

I tried to pick up right where I’d left off. I went back to work full-time. I filled my social calendar. But I quickly realized that my old life didn’t fit me anymore. My body couldn’t handle it. More than that, I just wasn’t the same person I’d been before cancer.

It’s been a long, slow process to come to terms with that. It’s a form of grieving, letting go of the person you were while simultaneously trying to figure out who you are. And just like there’s no such thing as ‘after cancer,’ there’s no such thing as ‘after grief.’ Both will be part of my life forever. And that’s okay. I’ve embraced it.

Cancer has made me slow down, and I don’t mind at all. Jeremy and I have a quiet place together by the water. We’re planning a wedding in Ireland. We’re going to either start a family or get 100 dogs. I’m looking forward to it, either way.”