“I’d been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, which was already quite a lot to deal with. I’d put in the work, though. I’d gone through the programs and I was getting the help I needed. I was starting to feel better. And that’s when I got cancer.
For two years, my health got steadily worse without explanation. I knew something wasn’t right, but no matter how many times I went to the ER, it felt like no one was listening. So when a biopsy finally confirmed it — lymphoma — it was almost like validation. Just not in a way I’d ever wanted.
After the diagnosis, my mental health got much worse. I kept thinking about my little niece and nephew, who have always been my whole world. I was terrified of them watching me get sicker and sicker until I died. I remember trying to gently explain my cancer to them, so they would at least understand what was happening.
‘Like Terry Fox?’ my niece immediately asked.
‘Yes, like Terry Fox,’ I said.
‘But he died. Are you going to die?’
I didn’t have an answer for her and it broke my heart.
There were some dark days after that when chemo and my mental health made life impossible. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I couldn’t explain how I was feeling to anyone.
Then I found Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC), and everything changed. I went on a four-day retreat with other people my age who were going through the same situation. On day one, they were strangers. By day four, they were family. For the first time, I was understood without having to explain anything. For the first time, I felt normal.
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