“In the course of a month and a half, I graduated nursing school, gave birth to my second child, turned 33, and was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer — a grapefruit-sized tumour in the middle of my skull.
My best friend Craig was visiting for my birthday. We were working out one morning, and my head hurt so much I couldn’t go on. Immediately, he told me to go to the doctor. ‘I’m fine,’ I said. ‘I just had a baby. Give me a break.’ But Craig knows me better than anyone. He looked me in the eye and said, ‘You’re a dancer. You know how to push through pain. If it’s stopping you, it’s serious.’
I went to the hospital where I’d done my nursing practicum. Everyone knew me. After the CT scan, nobody wanted to look me in the eye.
I had an amazing surgeon who got most of the tumour out, but that’s never the end of it with a cancer like this. It’s just a matter of time. I was given 2 to 6 years. It made me reevaluate everything. It reminded me that I’m a dancer. I’m an artist. I’m a performer. Somewhere along the way, those parts of me got left behind. If I was facing a shortened life, shouldn’t I be doing what makes me feel most alive?
While I was in recovery, I couldn’t speak or write and was bald from my radiation. But auditions were open for The Producers, so I took my shot. Treated it like therapy. I didn’t get the part, but there was no turning back. I went out for Cassie in A Chorus Line, and I did get that role. Then Craig and I auditioned together for Amazing Race Canada and we not only got selected, we won the whole thing. I realized then, pushing my body and will to the limit for a national TV audience, that I wasn’t just doing this for me. I was doing it to show my kids, other brain cancer patients, and anyone who needs to hear it that life goes on and only you get to decide where your limits are.
It’s been 13 years now — not 2 to 6 — and I’m still here. I got to see my kids grow up. But my cancer remains terminal. Eventually I’ll lose my speech, and I’ll lose my movement, and then I’ll die. I don’t look away from that reality. But until that happens, I’m going to keep living as powerfully and intentionally as I can.”
